Mars ain't the kind of place to raise your kids

The space between indeed.

I was meeting Dave at a place in DC. I was coming from my weekend class that was supposed to reassure me about my future as... well anything. Things these days are murky.
Things weren't so dark then, I was riding a small high because of the Italian girl.
It was drizzling and Shelly's Back Room has no parking for blocks so I hailed a cab from the GW campus. The day was beautiful and I'd spent most of the time outside writing in my little black book about how the colors reflected off of the buildings. I'd picked out the name of my next blog post; "I look at buildings now".
The cab that picked me up was driven by a Sikh, I believe. I went to college with a Sikh and this guy had the same picture of 'bobba g' on the dash as well as the obligatory turban/beard. My buddy from college was named Randeep Nag, his nickname was Rippy. This guy's name was Jagtar S. Gill. Jagtar could have been Rippy in thirty years easily. When I knew Rippy, at age 20, he had the full long beard and always wore a turban. He told me about the Sikh's belief in not cutting one's hair because it was a gift from god. Rippy's fingernails were always neatly clipped, however, so were Jagtar's.
I was looking at the statues in the park near DuPont Circle as we headed toward Connecticut when I noticed that this guy wasn't paying attention to the road at all. He was preoccupied with a tape that he'd previously been listening to in his tape recorder before it had become mangled. The tape recorder was the old kind with a record button and a handle on it with the big speaker that comprised most of the body of the unit itself. It was the type that you had to flip the tape over in order to hear the other side. The side reserved for music that record companies assumed you didn't want to hear. Alas, Jagtar was interested in both sides of the tape, hence his predicament.
"Buddy, I got it, just drive" I told Jagtar. He hesitated, briefly, but relented. I had a pencil in my hand anyway and I wanted the guy to pay attention to the road. He handed me the tape and I began the slow and methodical process of winding this cassette tape back to imperfect utility with my pencil. It took nearly the entire ride but I welcomed the tedious, mind-numbing repetition. It completely took me out of my element. I was gone for five minutes. The window down, the warm breeze making me slightly drowsy, the smell of the slight rain on the asphalt. All of these things for five minutes were absolutely intoxicating. I didn't think about anything. I would say that it was like dreaming, but dreaming these days isn't good. These days the prospect of dreaming fills me with dread. But there we were...I was sitting in the back of Jagtar's cab fixing his cassette tape, something I hadn't seen in ten years, and there was Jagtar, driving in Saturday traffic in downtown DC.
I felt ashamed when I saw Jagtar's tape recorder, it was the kind my grandmother had when I was a kid. She kept it in the cardboard box from which it came. After every use (The Platters, Englebert Humperdink) it went back into the box religiously. Jagtar had kept this piece in great shape. I can only imagine if he'd brought it with him from his home or if he'd acquired it here. Either way, I was ashamed because I've never taken care of anything like that. It was how he got through his day though, listening to those headphones on that thing. I'd like to say that I was touched by Jagtar and his simple creature comforts. But that's not the case. I felt sorry for him. I looked down on Jagtar and his job as a cab driver in this strange land. I pitied his existence as a service worker in this country with his menial entertainment. I felt sorry for Jagtar and his inability to understand the complex workings of the American Experience and all of its travails.

The tape was nearly wound back up perfectly when we arrived in front of Shelly's. I'd made sure. I had taken my time winding the tape back in straight and tight. "Here, it's almost there." There was about three inches or so hanging out, but it was straight, I'd taken out all of the kinks. I asked him what I owed him to which he responded, "No, it's ok. You work for me, I work for you."
That's when I felt real shame.
I felt shame because I wondered in that moment how much Jagtar must have looked down upon and pitied me. This person in his cab who had lived the American Experience their entire life and still somehow didn't get it. This person that had everything given to him and every resource at his disposal and still just couldn't figure out how to enjoy life. This person that was so disinterested in living and looking at the scenery that he would prefer to look down at his lap and repair a cassette tape, that he would never listen to, while the world kept flowing by just outside the window. This person who had only moments earlier looked at him and thought, "you poor soul".

I exited the cab and walked toward Shelly's Back Room. Jagtar drove off to find the next fare. He'll probably never know that he even occurred to me again. But why would he?
He's got living to do.

Consumer Gratitude

Whoever thought of putting Barnes & Nobles inside Starbuck's? It's genius!!! I absolutely love drinking my soy skim latte while having thousands of books and magazines to browse.  I find it so enjoyable that I usually go back for a second latte. I love to lose myself in books. And I love my soy skim lattes. It's like.......they know me!!!! 

Jesus of Wall Sreet

If Jesus were on Wall Street would the jittery financial markets really be so jittery? kinda' makes ya think.

Reflections, 2:00 AM

It was real nice out last night. And when it gets all nice like that I like sittin' outside my trailor. My old lady crashed around12:30 after that great fuck I gave her. I was sittin' out there in my lawn lounger chillin' out, smokin' a Camel light, I was drinkin' my last Foster's ( gotta' swing by WAWA) and I was pumpin' out some Motley Crue from my boom box. The sky was real clear and I was lookin' up at the stars and I was thinkin......thinkin' 'bout my life.........thinkin' 'bout how different It woulda been if I'd taken that job in New York. Ya know,........just thinkin'

The waking hours

In the dream, we're on a scooter riding through downtown Concepcion. I ask her, "Why did you ask me back here?" There's no answer. There's no answer because she didn't.

The grocery store is in an upper middle class section of Northern Virginia. It's a specialty grocery store. Aside from all of the normal wares that can be found at any run of the mill grocery, this place has a wine store, a dining area, a buffet, and all of the accoutrements that the Northern Virginia soccer moms and power players desire. There is organic shampoo, foot stones, earth friendly dish soap, even over priced patio furniture.
The slow girl is in the dining area. She works there, she is some sort of busser. She is watching me eat. I've seen her before, I imagine she remembers me. She is of slight build, wears thick glasses, and is young. She is maybe nineteen years old. She has watched me eat before. It doesn't/didn't bother me until the day of the dream. Because on that day, I looked back at her. I didn't stare, I wasn't being malevolent, I just looked back. At times, since the day, I regret looking back. I saw behind those eyes for the first time and I saw something I can't unlearn. The slow girl certainly mentally disabled in some way, but it seems just not enough. She is socially awkward, of course, but the worst part is that she knows it. She is not slow enough to be oblivious to the fact that there is a side of life that she's missing. It is a hellish thought, but true enough. In that moment when I looked back at here, I knew that she was aware that there was a part of life she was missing. She is aware that there is a universe of experiences out there that are just out of reach. It was sad for a moment, but in that moment I could have lived the rest of my life without making the next realization. In the moment that followed I realized that we were the same, she and I.

Sundays

Mixed Martial Arts is demanding. That's why, after several matches in the octagon, I'm so ready for a lazy afternoon curled up on my sofa with a good book.

Phone Tag with the Pope

The Holy See, Cardinal Albertini speaking.

Hi how are you, is Pope Benedict in?

No I'm afraid he's out of the office at the moment. Can I take a message?

Ah....yeah..... if you could?  Ah.....just let him know that Jerry called about the blessing via satellite of the Catholics with Shingles annual conference in Boston. He and I had spoken a few weeks back and he said he'd be happy to do it.

Absolutley, I'll let him know you called. He does have your number?

Yeah yeah but let give to you anyway, I know he's busy and may have lost it. It's 212-787-4519 extension 16 

I'll let him know that you called.

Thanks so much.

The next day

(anwering machine) Beeeeeeeep!!! Hello Jerry, this is Pope Benedict XVI just returning your call. If you could give me a few more details about what we discussed that would be great. I do recall meeting you but I must confess that I can't remember exactly what it was we talked about. I'll be here at the Vatican for......lets see........it's 2:15 now........probably until 3:30. Talk to you soon.

3:35

Holy See Cardinal Albertini speaking.

Yeah.....hi....it's Jerry Linderman again is the Holy Father in?

No........you just missed him. Are you the one calling about the blessing at that annual meeting?

Yeah.....I am

He said you might be calling at some point.

Do you know when he's gonna be back?

oooooh........I'm really not sure....hold on...Father Francis, do we have any idea when His Holiness will be back in the office......no......ok.......We really don't know. I know that he's saying Mass from 4:00 to 5:30 and then he's presiding over a meeting of the Vatican Finance Commitee so......you know.....I really never know when he'll be back. I will certainly let him know you called.

Yeah.....ok.......ah..... thats fine. Jerry Linderman and he does have my number.

The Next Day:

Answering machine:beeeeep!!! Jerry this is Pope Benedict again.........returning your call........ahhhh......it's about 1:30 here in Rome.......so it's probablly about.........oh gosh...... 8:00 am where you are? You're probablly not even in the office yet. I definitely do want to talk to you but we seem to keep missing each other. I'll be here until 4:00.........and ahhhhh...... I look forward to hearing from you. God bless.

4:19 

Holy See Cardinal Albertini speaking

Yeah.....it's Jerry Linderman agian. Please tell me that the Holy Father is in.

oooooooh.....I'm afraid not he's at a Children's Hospital in Parma and tomorrow he leaves for ten days in South America. He might be back in the office today for a little bit, but I'm really not certain.

Ok...........man.......I just.....I just keep missing him. So he's gonna be in South America for ten days? ummmm........let me think....let me think.

I can put directly to his voicemail, if that helps?

Ahhhhhhh.......yeah...... yeah......ok........ummmm.......  yeah lets do that.

Voice Mail:   This is Pope Benedict XVI  I can't come to the phone right now but please leave a detailed message and a number where you can be reached and I will return your call as soon as possible. May God bless you.

Beeeeeeeeeep!!!! Yes......your Holiness......this is Jerry Linderman again. We just can't seem to 

reach each other. I was in the office the other morning and .......ah.....and I thought to myself let me just run down and grab a coffee; we have a Starbucks in the lobby of my building; I thought....you know...... how long could this take? I even thought to myself what do you want to bet that the Holy Father calls just as I'm going down the elevator. Sure enough!!! I know you're heading to South America tomorrow but Cardinal Albertini who, by the way, is fantastic! said that there was a chance that you'd be back in the office later today. If you are please give me a call. Again this is Jerry Linderman about the Sattalite hookup for the blessing of our annual meeting.......Catholics with Shingles we discussed it a few weeks ago and you expressed a lot of interest........so.......please call me today if you get a chance. Jerry Linderman 212-787-4519 extension 16.

Answering machine:

Beeeeeeeep!!! Jerry this is Pope Benedict XVI sorry I couldn't get you........ah.........I am leaving for South America tomorrow morning but I'm here now finishing a little paper work before my trip so.......... if you can call in the next few minutes I will be here but after that I'm........ya' know.......... gone ...............ahhhhh.........I guess......if you can just fax me the dates I'll see what I can do. That's about the best I can do right now. I'll be back on the 17th and I'll try to reach you then. God bless.

Holy See Cardinal Albertini speaking.

Hi Father it's Jerry Linderman again. Did the Holy Father leave already?

He did Jerry, Im sorry. He'll be back on the 17th.........if you can wait.

Yeah.........ummm...........ok.......can you give me his voicemail again?

Answering machine:

This is Pope Benedict XVI  I can't come to the phone right now but please leave a detailed message and a number where you can be reached and I will return your call as soon as possible. May God bless you

Beeeeeeeeeep!!!!

 Your Holyness; Jerry Linderman again..............ahhhhh......where gonna have the Dahli Lama do the blessing.......ummmmm......I really.......appreciate your interest and I'm sorry we just........you know could make it happen but.......ahhhh.........you know.......I'll be in touch in the future and ahhh......I guess have a safe trip in South America.......ahhhh.......take care.